Becoming a Reiki therapist has thrown me into the biggest healing journey of my life. It’s not like there had not been healing before, it’s not like there won’t be big healing after, yet the whole quest of becoming someone who guides others in this process has given me an insight into the multifold of layers of healing. For a long time, I thought healing was a linear process. A thing that happened in the past was still bothering you and you untangle the story et voila: healing. I thought this way your health heals, beliefs heal, thoughts heal, and certain emotions you once held, set free never to return in that form or intensity. And yes the short version still comes down to what I wrote above, but the more I am diving into it, the more I discover how non-linear and connected everything is. How your mind has a hard time wrapping its understanding around it. And how the mind can actually block the deeper experience of just feeling it unfold.
It becomes more clear how connected all of my physical ailments, from burning my finger on the pot of yesterday’s stew or the knee hurting after my morning run to the more ‘serious’ or prologued health issues are, to my emotional baggage, to my memories and experiences. And the more these experiences are felt, re-visited, and untangled, the more I start to see the web of life. This one health-issues over crosses with the others. This one traumatic event in the past has shown itself in my life not only in one way but in many ways, with multiple faces, nuances, and masks, in different costumes all the time. And every time you dive in you recover or restore a little piece of you. It’s something not easy to grasp with the mind. The mind wants to make a story out of it. Wants to make it linear, but when felt deep inside your bones, you know it is way bigger than that.
This one health-issues over crosses with the others. This one traumatic event in the past has shown itself in my life not only in one way, but in many ways, with multiple faces, nuances and masks, in different costumes all the time.
The winding road
It’s not linear, it’s not a winding road, it’s very much a connected web of thoughts, experiences, stories we tell ourselves, and feelings. They all touch each other, and once you think you got to the bottom of one story, you see the unfolding of the next. Things you thought you dealt with long ago stop by again only to uncover a deeper layer of meaning. From here all the way back to the past. From where it started, to the stories and experiences in which it repeated itself, in different forms, stories, and people, but when brought down to the essence: the same energy mechanics.
It requires deep feeling, it requires deep surrender, it requires for one moment to not try and wrap your head around what is happening, it requires courage to face the demons you once put far far away. It requires taking life head-on. And at the same time it is not something you ‘do’, it happens. Every time you only get the chunk you can digest right at that time. You get the depth and load that you can handle, at that time. Not more not less and it fascinates me. Life has its own rhythm, has its own ways of knowing when it is time for you to let go of the past that doesn’t serve you anymore.
And once you have gone to the seed, to where it all began, felt what needed to be felt, understood what needed to be understood to get back your power, it ripples out, out over the time after, to the person you are now. It touches all that came after with the same energy mechanics. And from my own experience, and from the experience of guiding people in this process, I can feel how shaking, how deep that process is. It shakes you to your core and ripples out to who you are now. Once felt and seen, you cannot repeat the same mechanics. Not when they are stored and rewired in your cells. You will recognize it at play. It might not change immediately, but it brings awareness and that is step one.
We only understand certain parts
Witnessing this healing in many clients and in the journeys I have taken myself, humbles me. The deeper I dive, the more I discover how complex and intricately connected life is. How we as humans only understand certain parts. How the beauty of life comes back when pieces that aren’t yours and were never yours, to begin with, are given back to where they belong. When pieces that were taken from you are given back. There is a life-giving energy that is freed in that process. It’s an aliveness, it is a lightness, it is a wholeness, and when that lands there is a knowing that everything is exactly how it is meant to be.
Are you ready to untangle your web?